Random Thoughts

(April 16, 2014)

Lately I find myself longing for an “easy” button. Sometimes “easy” is good. Yes, I know that there are others in the world with bigger problems than mine, and that sometimes my problems amount to “first world” problems, as my friend calls them. They are MY problems, nonetheless, and they impact me profoundly. Let enough of them pile up and the weight of them can be demoralizing, striking at my foundation, chipping away at my morale, wave after wave, until they change my entire landscape.

Okay, so suffering produces perseverance, character, and ultimately hope (Romans 5:3-4). In truth, sometimes I am so focused on and overwhelmed by my personal brand of suffering that its character- and hope-producing qualities escape me completely. Yes, when life is messy, “easy” is all the more attractive. Those days when I feel like I simply cannot catch a break, let alone my breath, those are the days (weeks and perhaps even years) I want to run for cover, throw caution to the wind and fall back, hoping there will be someone there to catch me.

While listening to (really listening, not just playing) one of my favorite songs (Steady My Heart^*), I was struck once again by a simple truth. There will be many times when life will hurt, when it will be hard, and sometimes things just fall apart. That’s the reality of this life; it is everyone’s reality at some point. If you haven’t experienced it, as my Grandma would say, just keep on living!

^*“Wish it could be easy. Why is life so messy? Why is pain a part of us? …Even when it hurts, even when it’s hard even when it all just falls apart…”

Recently, I was reminded of when I accidentally dropped a rock on my older brother’s head. Okay, it was more like a concrete slab, but it really was an accident. (Really!) In any case, as time seemed to stand still while he gathered his wits and I tried to figure out how I was going to survive this one, I suddenly remembered Dad was upstairs. “If I can just get to Dad!,” I thought, and my chubby little legs responded immediately, carrying me through the house like the wind, yelling “Daddy!!!!!” all the way, my budding track-star brother hot on my heels. (Adrenaline is a helluva drug!) Luckily, I made it; otherwise, I might not be here to tell the story.

Even now, there are days when I want to run for my Daddy! Sometimes I forget that I still can.

^*“…I will run to You, ’cause I know that You are Lover of my soul, Healer of my scars. You steady my heart.”

Life will get messy. My heart will be broken, shattered into a million pieces, seemingly beyond repair. My soul will bear the scars of having been cut so deeply that it seems the wounds never will heal. Those are the facts! There’s no escaping it in this life, but I have to remember that my Dad loves me and longs to, can, and will heal all of my hurts (Psalm 103:3-5). I just have to run to Him as if my life depends on it, because it does! He’s here; He’s real. He has me in the palm of His hand, and I can trust Him to steady and heal my heart, to catch me, to carry me even, if I just let go!

^*Steady My Heart (Kari Jobe): “Wish it could be easy Why is life so messy? Why is pain a part of us? There are days I feel like nothing ever goes right, sometimes it just hurts so much! But You’re here, You’re real. I know I can trust You. Even when it hurts, even when it’s hard, even when it all just falls apart, I will run to You, ’cause I know that You are Lover of my soul, Healer of my scars. You steady my heart. I’m not gonna worry, I know that You’ve got me right inside the palm of Your hand. Each and every moment, what’s good and what gets broken happens just the way You plan. And I will run to You, I’ll find refuge in Your arms, and I will sing to You ’cause of everything You are. You steady my heart.”

Romans 5:3-4: “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”

Psalm 103:3-5: “He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases. He redeems me from death and crowns me with love and tender mercies. He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle’s!”