Random Thoughts

(December 25, 2013)

“Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full–pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.” (Luke 6:38, NLT)

Years ago, explaining his fascination with remote-controlled airplanes and cars, my husband told me a heart-wrenching story. Growing up in a small village in West Africa, he did not have many of the things that I, growing up half a world away, took for granted as a young child. For instance, he did not have a pair of real shoes until he was about 8 years old. He also never had any toys—not a one! As the story goes, there was a little boy in my husband’s village whose sister had given him a little Matchbox car. All of the boys in the village, according to my husband, would begin lining up early in the morning for an opportunity to play with the little car for just a couple of minutes. Pretty soon, realizing the ancillary value of the gift his sister had given him so freely, rather than freely share his gift, the little boy began to lord it over the other village boys.

That story still chokes me up today but not because of the thought of a child growing up without toys. No. Children make playthings out of the darnedest things! Rather, what moves me so is (1) the knowledge (years later) that we as kids, half a world away, took so much for granted; and (2) the seemingly instinctual way in which the little village boy learned how best to both be stingy with, and benefit from, his gift.

While our parents struggled like many others, my brother and I had so many toys growing up that one could and often did, trip over them. I was particularly fond of dolls (good LORD I had a lot of dolls!!!) and JACKS! I always knew when Mom found a stray jack. “##*&#%&^#@ YOLANDA!!! COME GET THESE #&@#$%%^ JACKS!!!” (Back then, they were made of metal. If you’ve ever stepped on one, you know what I’m talking about.) In comparison to my husband’s upbringing, we had plenty, and there are others who, in comparison to our upbringing, had still more.

The reality is that our parents, like most, found pleasure in give us things (both tangible and intangible) simply for the joy of giving to their children and seeing the sheer glee in our eyes when receiving, and making use of, the many gifts they gave. My Dad loved to give gifts merely for the joy of seeing our faces light up! I think I inherited this quality from him. I, too, love to give gifts merely for the joy of witnessing the appreciation on the recipients’ faces. Most of all, I loved surprising my Dad with well-thought-out gifts, especially for Christmas. (I think I inherited this too.) Because he always gave without any expectation of receiving, the surprise and appreciation were multiplied 100-fold. I would plan for months, deriving great pleasure in the anticipation. In the anticipation, I “savored” the relationship. It is in savoring the relationship, not the gift itself, that one says, “I can’t wait to show you how much I’ve been thinking of you, because it pleases me to please you.” Take away the appreciation factor, however, and that’s where I begin to lose the joy of giving. When my gift goes un- or under-appreciated (or worse still, unacknowledged), when the recipient begins to feel that s/he DESERVES and/or is ENTITLED TO my gift(s), well, now, that’s a different scenario altogether!

The “facilitator” in me has to argue that there are conditions under which one IS entitled. A wife, for example, is entitled to all of her husband’s gifts, tangible and intangible, material and immaterial. He has, in fact, promised them to her. Likewise, a husband is entitled to all of his wife’s gifts. She has promised them to him. But what if/when a spouse fails to keep his/her promise? Is he/she still entitled? Yes. Admittedly, my spirit screams, “THAT’S NOT FAIR!!!!!” It wouldn’t be, except for the fact that the promise wasn’t made only to the deemed “undeserving” spouse; it was made to God, and God calls us to keep our promises even when it hurts. (Psalm 15:4b). To give what is merited is compensation; to give without regard to what one deserves is GRACE!

Of course, I also am of the mind that in this same scenario one can lose one’s entitlement. In every “contract,” after all, there is the possibility of breach…and then there is “material” breach. In my opinion, material breach nullifies one’s entitlement, unless the non-breaching party extends GRACE. The same is true in every relationship. With every breach, the relationship loses a bit of its savor until one day it no longer pleases me to please you, and one becomes aware of the utter lack of joy. Take away the joy and one loses the anticipation, and without anticipation, there…is…no…hope!

Have your gifts gone unappreciated? Have you lost the ability to “savor” some relationship(s)? Ask yourself, “When and how did I learn to stop sharing?” “When did I lose the joy of sharing my best, of preparing my best in order to share it?” “When did I learn to be stingy with my gifts just like that little village boy?” “How did I learn to clutch them to my chest and yell, ‘Mine!’?” You learned and relearned it each time you, face upturned, arms outstretched, full of pride and joy in offering up your best, said with glee, “Here! Look what I have especially for you!” and the intended recipient(s) merely set it aside, adding it to the pile of “bests” received over time, not recognizing, appreciating, or caring about their worth. An even more heartbreaking thought is this: Is this not what we often do with the gifts our heavenly Father brings? Have we not done the same with the ULTIMATE gift that our Dad brought—Jesus Christ?!?

Our Abba loves to give gifts too, simply for the joy of seeing our faces light up, witnessing our appreciation, hearing the praises and thanksgiving we bestow on Him. Some of the gifts He gives us are simply for our own pleasure, but many of them are not truly ours. We may not even see them as “gifts,” but most of the gifts He’s bestowed on us were meant to be multiplied and shared to benefit others, i.e., to be GIVEN!

“God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another. Do you have the gift of speaking? Then speak as though God himself were speaking through you. Do you have the gift of helping others? Do it with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then everything you do will bring glory to God through Jesus Christ. All glory and power to him forever and ever! Amen.” (1 Peter 4:10-11)